I'm so fucking tired of this.

I'm supposed to be reaching new heights of happiness, but I knew vaguely some time or the other that this would happen . Going on a nosedive again as gravity is a matter of urgency and I can feel air enclosing my face, and there's that feeling again, asphyxiation; and being too tired to breath anyway, I welcome the fall, watching contrails from my fingers trailing behind me. I look down and wonder how I have gotten this far --- hearing Smashing Pumpkins play, I wonder no longer. Just fall and wait for the blackness.

...

I just so very badly want to see the ocean today, overcast and cold; everything threatening rain.

...